Press "Enter" to skip to content

YouTube Apology Video No Match For Viewer’s First-Ever Taste of Power

LOS ANGELES – The latest apology video from an embattled YouTuber has proven utterly ineffective against the first-ever taste of power experienced by the average viewer, who has never before experienced someone wanting approval from them, sources confirmed today.

“I’ve never felt so alive,” said longtime subscriber Jenna Smith, her eyes gleaming with the intoxicating realization of her own influence. “All this time, I thought I was just a passive consumer of content, but now I see that I hold the very fate of this creator in my hands. I was up all night deciding on my sentencing and statement. The world awaits my decision.”

The video, an hour long masterclass in groveling and self-flagellation, was released in response to the YouTuber’s latest scandal, which involves a harrowing mistake surely worse than anything a single member of the audience has ever done.

“The world awaits my judgment,” said viewer Darryl Sanders, sticking his arm forward with his thumb pointed sideways like a roman emperor deciding if a gladiator should live or die. “I am the one with the power. It is I who decides this poor soul’s fate. That’s why they grovel at my feet. I am judge, subscriber, and executioner.”

As the apology video’s view count climbed, social media feeds quickly filled with demands for more groveling, more tears, and more abject humiliation from the once-beloved content creator.

“It’s a tale as old as time,” explained Dr. Maya Cunningham, a renowned psychologist specializing in internet dynamics. “Give a YouTube viewer even the tiniest modicum of power, and they’ll inevitably start writing out a list of commands some YouTube must abide by in order to cleanse their soul. I myself have received several and by the way I’m so sorry if I came off like I was above you due to my higher education and qualifications earlier.”

At press time, the YouTuber was seen frantically brainstorming a follow up apology video, intent on apologizing for how each individual viewer found the first one unsatisfactory in some ultra-important way.

We\'re giving away 50 Hard Drive t-shirts and other merch items to Patrons this week.
Become a patron at Patreon!