ST. LOUIS — Searching tirelessly for the perfect YouTube clip, local woman Carla Terrence spent over 20 minutes browsing for the video accompaniment to the meal she only spent six minutes making.
“Sure, the food was half-assed and crudely prepared and plated, but when looking for the video to eat is when I become a connoisseur,” Terrence explained. “I couldn’t give a shit what I put into my body, it’s about what video essay I watch while I do so. They’ll tell you the perfect video is just a fantasy, but if you search enough, you’ll find something with the exact length and engagement to sync up just right. I’d rather eat hastily-burned garbage with a good video than eat a filet mignon in cold silence like some peasant.”
“Besides,” she added. “I’d cook more interesting stuff if I had the time, but I’m just way too busy.”
Terrence’s roommate, Annie MacDonald, claimed that Terrence frequently takes far too long to select her dinnertime YouTube video.
“Sometimes I’ll come downstairs in the morning and she’s still there trying to pick what to eat with last night’s dinner, which is now cold and disgusting,” MacDonald said. “If she put this much work into cooking, I’d be dining in a five-star restaurant every night. Sometimes she even starts a video and after thirty seconds clicks away, determined to find something better. I try to tell her that she doesn’t need to have something playing just to finish a leftover sandwich, but she just scoffs and scrolls deeper into her subscriptions tab, tirelessly trolling for the flawless vlog or gaming commentary.”
At press time, sources close to Terrence reported that the situation had worsened after she began searching for a good video to watch while she searched for the perfect video to watch while enjoying her meal.