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Warner Bros Announces New 10-Year DCEU Plan: Maybe Get That Flash Movie Out Some Time

LOS ANGELES — Warner Bros Discovery outlined their new 10-Year Plan for the DC Extended Cinematic Universe earlier today, which is to get that Flash movie out there at some point, they say.

“Yeah, that’d probably be best,” said David Zaslav, president and CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery. “We should honestly get it out there before Ezra Miller kills somebody if we’re being honest. Because we really shouldn’t cancel any more extremely expensive projects this year.  So yeah, I don’t know. Next year, I guess? Does next year sound good to everyone? Does anyone know how much money we owe Michael Keaton?” 

Gathered reporters quickly asked Zaslav about other upcoming DC films that had been announced, such as Black Adam and Shazam: Fury of the Gods.

“Yeah, no, I don’t know,” he replied. “Those too, I guess. Why not?”

Fans of The Flash were excited to hear that the character’s long awaited feature film was DC’s top priority moving forward, although a bit skeptical about its eventual release. 

“Yeah, I will believe it when I see it,” said Vera Krause, a longtime fan of The Flash. “But it does kind of feel like we’re closer than ever. So that’s nice. I still worry, though. I mean, it seems like they canceled the Batgirl movie for no real reason whatsoever, so with how snakebit this Flash movie is, I don’t know, I’m fully prepared for it to never come out. At least it can’t ultimately disappoint me that way.” 

Analysts say that the announcement shows that DC is still struggling to keep up with Marvel’s cinematic universe. 

“It’s really bad timing, because Marvel just announced their next wave of movies and TV shows,” said Arthur Whitfield, an entertainment blogger. “And they’ve got some exciting stuff coming down the pipeline here. You look at DC, and there’s this Flash movie limping along, and I don’t know, more Batman stuff? Imagine that. We’re probably about due for another Superman reboot as well. Fucking yee-haw.” 

As of press time, Ezra Miller, star of The Flash, had been arrested in downtown Kansas City for impersonating a clergyman and selling counterfeit firewood.