Hollywood – Worrying reports out of Los Angeles today indicate a Netflix exec was spotted paging through your favorite book series, seemingly enjoying himself.
“It’s not something I wanted me or my family to see, frankly,” said Mary Evans, a concerned mother of three who also enjoys the book series. “This executive, he was just sitting there reading and nodding, even dog-earing pages and writing in the margins. I shudder to think what notes he might’ve been making.”
“Or even worse, maybe casting ideas.”
Eyewitnesses say the executive took his time paging through each of the series’ four entries, even stopping for one moment to pull out a highlighter to carefully mark a couple of lines.
Tara Smith, a local bookshop owner, offered insight into the likely outcome of this depressing sight.
“I’ll put it bluntly; there’s zero chance this guy was just reading for fun, and to make matters worse the characters in this series are just not meant for the big screen. The protagonist being a ghost is one thing, but I know they’ll absolutely ransack her personality as soon as they find out she used to play guitar. Please don’t make the ghost play a guitar.”
Concern turned to fear as the exec was seen smiling while reading one of the book’s few low points.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this guy laughing at the beginning of the second book – nobody thinks that part is actually funny. The author isn’t known for humor and the fans are willing to accept that; why is he laughing so much?” questioned Alex Peterson, a worried fan of the series. “The nuance of these books would be totally lost in the hands of a bunch of suits. You saw what they did with every single thing released this year.”
Bookstores reportedly began dumping stock of the series as the disheartening news spread across town, with little free libraries everywhere bracing to deal with the fallout.
