LOS ANGELES — With a brand new announcement of sequels, movie studio Pixar has confirmed the release of Toy Story 5, with the new installment to teach children a powerful lesson about diluting a franchise for profit.
“After doing a read-through of the script with the whole cast, I think Woody, Buzz and the gang will definitely teach all kids out there something profound about ruining a beloved movie series for money,” Tom Hanks explained. “I believe it’s important for children’s films to impart some sort of moral by the end, and Toy Story 5 will show kids everywhere that sometimes it’s best to let a franchise die with the third installment. Once I recorded my final lines for Woody, I cried like a baby in the studio. Not because it was a sad scene or I was done with the character, just because I knew that this would never be the end, and I’ll be voicing this digital cowboy until my body finally flatlines in the ICU.”
Disney CEO Bob Iger said the decision to greenlight the film came from a need to resolve the Toy Story saga’s overarching profits.
“Even though Toy Story 4 felt like a natural wrapping up point, we realized that so many dollars were going unearned,” Iger said. “We want to provide an emotional, cathartic resolution to the franchise’s domestic gross points, but don’t worry, even though it’s a sequel it will still capture the magic of the original’s box office performance. Kids everywhere deserve to see Woody and Buzz one last time, as well as purchase Woody and Buzz merchandise eleven more times.”
At press time, sources at Pixar revealed that they are willing to cancel the film entirely if everyone just gives them $11.95 right now instead.