BROOKLYN — Partners within a local poly relationship are amidst heated arguments over who gets to be who in their Ed, Edd ‘n Eddy Halloween costumes, neighbors of the throuple confirm, due to the thin walls in their shared apartment complex.
“Roland thinks just because he thinks he’s smartest that he gets to be Double-D, but he’s also the tallest, which should make him Ed. Costumes are a visual medium, first and foremost,” said Hayley Ash, self-appointed leader of the throuple. “All I know is, I call Eddy. I’ve already started working hard on the giant papier-mache jawbreaker we’re going to chase down the street, so I get first dibs on character choice. Levi better find an Edd hat quick, because I’m not sewing shit this year.”
Acquaintances of the throuple reported this is a yearly occurrence, and debating their annual Halloween costumes is just as much a tradition as the holiday itself.
“Last year I threw a party, and Hayley, Roland and Levi all arrived three hours late and all angrily dressed as the same X-Files Lone Gunman, and wouldn’t back down,” said Mina Kleiner, shaking her head in secondhand embarrassment. “They all wanted to be Langley, I guess? Luckily there was no physical violence, but man…they take Halloween just a bit too far for my taste. Plus, everyone just thought they were Garth from Wayne’s World. At least they got to bond over that!”
Officials at Halloween Headquarters have begun issuing statements on the importance of not taking the holiday too seriously.
“It’s important to remember that this time of year is supposed to be fun! Candy! Costumes! Spooky monsters and the like! Good, wholesome times for friends and family alike!” said a representative of Halloween HQ, who was tough to understand due to his plastic vampire fangs. “Folks like this throuple here threaten to sully the good nature of the day with sour barbs and passive-aggressive comments…plus shouldn’t Roland be Double-D? He’s always wearing that knit hat!”
At press time, the throuple had reportedly moved on from Halloween and started another discussion, just as intense, over what Rankin Bass special their Christmas card photo-shoot would be themed.