CRYSTAL LAKE — It turns out the old campsite in the woods, where all those people died, has decent Internet connectivity.
That was the first thing I asked infamous serial killer Jason Voorhees when he logged onto my Discord call, which is a little embarrassing. Voorhees refuses publicity, shuns the spotlight, and routinely sends both reporters and streamers home in multiple wet bags. Instead of addressing any of that, the first thing to fall out of my mouth is a question about his wi-fi connection. Ugh.
If Voorhees minded, though, he didn’t say so. Communicating through a text-to-speech program, he noted that a brief attempt to relaunch Crystal Lake as a kids’ coding camp had provided a much-needed overhaul to local infrastructure. He killed everyone involved, of course, but they’d done good work, and it’s “not that hard” to maintain the server without them.
It’s a humble admission by a guy who’s approaching 80, although he’s been an undead monster for almost half of that. On our call, Voorhees wears his trademark hockey mask – “never take it off,” his computer voice says – and a fuzzy blue cardigan.
It’s been over 20 years since his last high-profile massacre, and while he still kills the occasional hunter or urban explorer (“just to keep my hand in”), Voorhees is essentially retired. At a point where every other famous ‘80s monster is having a creative resurgence, rights issues and creative infighting have kept America’s favorite murderer on the sidelines. For a guy who’s famous for never talking, it turns out Jason’s got a lot to say about that.
This interview has been edited for clarity.
Hard Drive: Are you enjoying your retirement?
Jason Voorhees: Well, it’s not by choice. I’d still be out there if it wasn’t for these rights issues. Nobody can figure out who owns what, and in the meantime, I’m here cooling my heels.
HD: So it’s an issue for you.
JV: Look, I’m an old-fashioned guy. I grew up believing in hard work and family values. I want to get up in the morning, polish the mask, sharpen my knives, and put another dozen people in shallow graves. That’s just how I was raised.
But now I’ve got time on my hands. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice. Gives me time to tidy the place up, keep Mom’s shrine clean, build a couple of birdhouses. Even so, I wouldn’t have as high a body count as I do if I didn’t love the work.
HD: You do seem to be a quantity over quality guy.
JV: Quantity has a quality all its own.
HD: A Stalin quote from Jason Voorhees?
JV: I like history podcasts. A lot of people die in history. It’s relevant to my field.
HD: Everyone has layers, I suppose. Have you thought about any of these revival projects?
JV: [chuckles] You know, the Entity from Dead by Daylight calls every couple of weeks. “Everyone else is here,” he says, and they pretty much are: Freddy, Mikey, Chucky, Bubba, one of those Ghostface kids, and for some reason, Elliot.
HD: Elliot?
JV: Pinhead. He doesn’t care for that nickname, though. Call him Elliot. Not that it’ll matter if you meet him, but it’s the principle of the thing.
But yeah. The Entity wants to complete the set, I suppose. If I was a free agent, I’d consider it, but frankly I don’t like the fine print on the deal. When I kill someone, I prefer that they stay dead, instead of waking up at a campfire a few hours later to do it all over again.
HD: I see your point. So what do you do to keep the lights on?
JV: I don’t need much. I’m fueled by some unspecified dark power, you know. If I need cash for something, I can usually get a decent fee off these little fan productions. It’s frustrating, but I get by.
HD: Frustrating?
JV: Oh, I don’t tell them I’m the actual guy. I just look at them and never communicate, so they assume I’m method acting. Then I collect a hundred bucks and go on with my day. If I kill anybody, it’s a caterer or something. Nobody on the actual production.
HD: I’m surprised you’re willing to do that.
JV: I don’t kill everyone I meet. Sometimes it’d be counterproductive, or I just don’t have the time. Sure, I left fewer survivors when I was a kid, but maybe that’s part of getting older. You realize there’s value in restraint.
HD: I’m learning a lot today.
JV: Happy to help.
HD: What happens if they manage to sort this out? Are you actually interested in going back on the job, so to speak?
JV: Look, I kill. It’s what I do. If they manage to put this together in a way that respects me, my history, and my mom, then of course I’ll come back. As long as there are so many god damn people around, I will be here to snap them in half. I can promise you that.
