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Ted Lasso to End With Peoples Temple-Style Mass Suicide

LOS ANGELES — Feelgood sleeper hit Ted Lasso will end its third and final season tonight, and leaked scripts reveal the series finale will depict a graphic mass suicide in the style of the Peoples Temple cult at Jonestown in 1978.

“Ted Lasso has always been about defying expectations,” said Marcus Mule, longtime staff writer for the show. “Whether it’s in the depiction of healthy male friendships, conflicts resolved with forgiveness instead of anger, or that a man could be nice all the time, we’re all about subverting the usual tropes. The finale is definitely unpredictable, but eagle-eyed viewers would be able to see from the start that the story was always going to culminate in all the characters ingesting cyanide in the Richmond locker room.” 

Some fans have been less than enthusiastic about the choice to end such a happy, positive show with what they’re calling a “downer” ending.

“It doesn’t make sense to me,” said Jeremy Wilkinson, a fan of Ted Lasso since the character appeared in the NBC soccer ads in 2013. “For me, the only ending that works is Ted marries Rebecca, Richmond wins the Premiership, and Jamie, Keeley and Roy form a throuple. Anything less than a perfect fairy tale ending for every character is a betrayal of the fans and I will set myself on fire if I do not get everything exactly the way I want it.”

Television critics, however, reacted with glee to the unexpected ending.

“At the precise moment the show became popular, I began to hate it,” wrote Nick Healey, writer for the Hyena Club. “This show and its toxic positivity, lack of soccer footage, and non-acknowledgement of Jason Sudekis’ marital woes has frankly jumped the shark. But now that I’ve read the ending, I‘m getting on board. The fans will hate it, and I need to be on the most unpopular side. It makes me cool and a better TV watcher than you.”

Ted Lasso won’t be the first show to have a divisive final episode, as fans of Friends still argue about the shocking finale in which Chandler claimed responsibility for 9/11.