NEW YORK CITY — In a move that has left both cinephiles and casual moviegoers scratching their heads, A24 has announced that their latest film, The Aristocrat’s Mustache, will bypass traditional theatrical release and head straight to a Criterion Collection Ultra-4K Special Edition release, after a poor performance in the festival circuit, sources within A24 report.
“The film is about a reclusive aristocrat with an obsession for 18th-century spoons who throws an invitation-only gala where all attendees are required to wear papier-mâché horse heads. A hyper-religious suburban husband, who moonlights as a hitman, teams up with a atheist-werewolf-wrestler to infiltrate the party,” wrote bewildered Vulture critic Adam White. “The eccentric guests navigate the aristocrat’s labyrinth made of human flesh, racing against alternate universe versions of themselves to recover stolen family heirlooms, resulting in a crescendo of synchronized dance fights, excessive neon pulse lighting, and a literal flood of (hopefully fake) bodily fluids.”
The film has been widely panned, only receiving a 12 minute standing ovation at Cannes, the film equivalent of a death sentence. A24, however, has tried to spin the universal distaste for the film as a positive.
“This is a groundbreaking moment in cinema,” proclaimed Janice Mims, A24’s VP of Curatorial Relevance in an attempt to spin the poor reception. “We believe The Aristocrat’s Mustache embodies the very essence of what Criterion represents: a film so bewildering and esoteric that it challenges the very boundaries of taste and comprehension. A film so groundbreaking that an arthouse screen wouldn’t be able to contain it.”
The Criterion Collection, once renowned for its tedious and meticulous selection of films that range from the quintessential to the obscure, has historically avoided including works that might be considered ‘subpar.’ However, they have been a little more lax in their acceptance of newer A24 film releases.
“We feel these films are what younger film fans are enjoying and we are always on the ball when it comes to what’s hot in film culture. We are thrilled to add this to our library,” Criterion Curator Lila Greene said from inside the famed Criterion Closet. “It’s a testament to our commitment to inclusivity, proving that even the most uninspired cinema can find its place among the greatest even if it didn’t receive any distribution in theaters or on streaming services and is sitting at a 7% on Rotten Tomatoes. We are proud to include The Aristocrat’s Mustache among other straight-to-DVD classics like 3: The Dale Earnhardt Story and The Crow: Wicked Prayer, both of which are coming to Criterion in the winter of 2024.”
As the film makes its way into Criterion’s archives, it is rumored that the disc will include an alternate cut of the film with three hours of previously unseen footage, including a scene the main actress tried to sue to keep out of the final cut.
