NEW YORK — Residents of the historic Arconia apartment building are expressing frustration that their rent remains high despite there now being an annual murder in the building.
“It’s just getting a little ridiculous at this point you know,” stated resident Howard Morris. “I was fine with the high rent initially because it’s a beautiful high class building that has plenty of room for my cats and now dog but you’d think once people start getting killed every year the least they could do is lower the price to live here. Sure, it is exciting to live in the heart of a now famous podcast but any one of us could be the next victim and somehow we’re still charged rent like a building where no one ever dies.”
Another resident of the building, Uma Heller stated her belief as to why rent is still high.
“I blame those podcast putzes. The first murder that happened sure we’ll call an isolated incident but then they go around making a hit podcast about it, bringing attention to our building and drawing more murders to take place here. To make matters worse the one person who could have lowered the rent was murdered almost immediately after they solved the first one so now we’re stuck in a high rent building where people get killed once a year. We should have kicked them out when we had the chance.”
Podcast host and former successful Broadway director Oliver Putnam sympathizes with the other residents of the building but refuses to take blame.
“I get it, I once struggled to pay the rent in this building. I almost got kicked out and was forced to eat nothing but dip and gut milk. So I understand the frustration but it’s not our fault that people are getting killed in this building. And frankly I’m a little insulted by the implication. These murders have brought prosperity to me and this building thanks to the incredibly successful podcast I created about it. Rent is probably still high because this building is now even more famous, constant death be damned. If someone has to die every year to keep me on top then so be it.”
At press time, another murder has reportedly taken place and the building owners are actually considering raising rent in anticipation of the publicity the new season of the podcast will bring.
