LOS ANGELES — Immediate family members of Ant-Man star Paul Rudd have reportedly begged him to stop informing them all what they could expect from the next series of Marvel films, sources have confirmed.
“Oh god stop it, just stop,” said Julie Yaeger, Rudd’s wife, after he went on this third unprompted monologue of the day about Kang and what his introduction means to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. “I thought he was annoying enough when his damn Chiefs won the Super Bowl again, but this is a hundred times worse. My husband used to be a cool, fun guy. I’d get excited when he’d come home or show up somewhere, but now I just know he’s just going to go on some long winded explanation of why it’s actually fine that this newest movie lacks the charm and premise of the first two and is mostly being used to prop up the next two years of bland movies. I miss my husband!”
Members of Rudd’s community have echoed his wife’s sentiments.
“When I first moved in next to [Paul Rudd], I thought it was going to be the coolest thing,” said Chuck Folden, who unknowingly bought the house next to Rudd last year. “It’s been absolute torture, if I’m being honest. The other day he brought over a piece of my mail he accidentally got and by the end he’d made me promise to watch Loki, Shang-Chi, and Ms. Marvel before I went to see his new movie. He’s just so likable, I don’t know how he got me to do that. I better avoid him for a while, I don’t want to watch all that shit!”
President of Marvel Studios Kevin Feige recently admitted in an interview that perhaps Paul Rudd had been going a bit far with his promotion of Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.
“We were so excited to get Paul involved with the Avengers, for all of the obvious reasons,” he said in a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly. “However, we also understand that his enthusiasm has largely rubbed people the wrong way. His recent appearance on Jimmy Fallon was unhinged, and we don’t think his violence was at all warranted. Paul is just so passionate about these characters, you understand, and he didn’t like the way Jimmy was smiling at him as he talked about the dangers Kang posed to all of our favorite Marvel characters.”
As of press time, Rudd had piled his family into the car under false pretenses, secretly taking them to their fourth screening of Ant-Man.