LOS ANGELES — Paparazzi photographers caught 79-year-old Goosebumps author R.L. Stine stepping out with a hot monster blob that sources reported is several decades younger than him.
“In my line of work, you cross paths with a lot of young, beautiful ghouls and monsters,” Stine told photographers. “Me and the blob are just having fun, no label, nothing serious. Yes, she’s a fan of my work, but our relationship is none of your business. I might even feature her in a story! You may think she’s just in it for my money and my industry connections, but I can tell she loves me. And before you ask, she’s over 18. Stine don’t swing like that, baby. Stine don’t swing like that.”
“Life’s a choose your own adventure story,” Stine explained. “And sometimes you gotta get out from under the covers and turn your book to the page where you hook up with someone young and freaky. Get over it!”
This is just the latest in a string of public moments for the children’s horror writer.
“This all started back in June when we managed to get a photograph of Stine lounging on his Mediterranean yacht with a mystery woman who had a demonic mask stuck to her face,” said paparazzo Ryan Phillips. “Then he was caught tearing up the Las Vegas strip with a wolf man that had just gotten off the red carpet in Milan. He clearly has a type. He’s been sleeping his way across the entire genre for the last decade, whether he’s bringing sexy young monsters courtside at Laker games or suddenly eloping to Mexico with a haunted high school mascot or two.”
At press time, sources reported that another scandal may be brewing after an anonymous possessed ventriloquist doll claimed it was six months pregnant with Stine’s unborn child.