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Opinion: You Could Never Make ‘Friends’ Today Because I Would Stop You

As culture progresses, it is no surprise that some media products fail to stand the test of time. Things that may have been acceptable to poke fun at in the moment have become actual societal issues that we address with sincerity. The hit television sitcom Friends is one of those infamous shows that, looking back, had some serious problems with homophobia, misogyny, and even fatphobia — and that’s not even the biggest reason you couldn’t make Friends today. The biggest reason is that I, alone, would stop you. 

I simply refuse to allow Friends to return. The show was inconsiderate of its audience in many characters and plotlines, especially during the stretch from the first scene of season one to the season finale, when they made the controversial choice to be an incredibly shitty TV show. 

Did you really think iCarly, Roseanne, and Will & Grace were the first-choice sitcoms to be rebooted? Of course not. They tried to bring back Friends multiple times, but I put a stop to it immediately. In fact, in the early 2000s, when I feared a reboot most, I kept Matt LeBlanc chained up in my basement as a fail-safe.

If you, a television executive, are reading this, know that I will stop at nothing to put the final nail in the coffin of this atrocious show, before setting the coffin on fire and pushing it into a ravine. The moment I hear those four claps in the theme song, rest assured I will be on the next plane to stop your sinning via legal injunction or physical harm.

While you may be sad that this show will never be made today, it’s actually a positive. The fact that we as a society have progressed and changed and become more tolerant is a good thing, and as we look back on the past, we can appreciate how far we’ve come as people since then. What’s more important than any reboot is that we have grown to be more accepting of each other, and also that Friends sucks fucking balls and I will unleash a world of hurt on anyone who tries to reboot it for even a single episode.

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