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New Transformers Movie to Include Autobot Who Turns Into Tesla and Immediately Runs Over Child

LOS ANGELES — According to the handful of people who have seen the film, Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, which released Friday, includes a Transformer named Memetron who turns into a self-driving Tesla and immediately hits a young child.

“We got into work one morning to find that Elon Musk had spent the whole night tweeting ‘Why no Tesla Transformers?’ at us,” said Paramount executive Marissa Lang. “We had to explain to him that the movie was set before the events of the first one — before Teslas became popular. There’s no Tesla character in the franchise. Then later, he drove a dump-truck full of money up to the studio and we agreed to put Memetron in the movie. He named the character himself.”

The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) was reportedly shocked when members saw the first cut of the movie.

“It was a baffling choice. The rather bloody effects of the self-driving Tesla running into the child’s body were, in a word, nauseating,” said MPAA worker Trish Morgansson in response to Memetron’s intro, which includes the gruesome death of a five-year-old. “But ultimately, I just had to tell myself: this is like a documentary. This is what would actually happen if a self-driving Tesla were to plow into a young child at a crosswalk. Honestly, it’s the best Transformers movie yet!”

Those who have seen the film also reported that Memetron is played by Tesla CEO Elon Musk himself. Although Musk is not a professional actor, the tech billionaire has made appearances in TV shows like The Simpsons, Rick and Morty and Saturday Night Live, as well as a cameo in the film Iron Man 2. According to sources from within Paramount, the “Beast” from the title Transformers: Rise of the Beasts may even refer to Musk himself.

Despite this, producers confirmed he will not appear again in the franchise. This is likely as a result of the scene in which Memetron is brutally killed by an exploding battery about fifteen minutes into his screen time.