WASHINGTON — A groundbreaking new study confirmed that over half of all automobile accidents are caused by drivers trying to skip a commercial break in a podcast they’re listening to.
“We knew it was a problem, but we had no idea it was this bad,” said Dr. Ramon Riveria, the scientist that led the study. “People will readily risk their safety and wellbeing at the prospect of enduring just 30 seconds of their favorite broadcasters talking about meal prepping services or vitamins or whatever else. And these are just regular ad reads I’m talking about. If a show cuts to a full blown produced commercial, we’ve discovered that a lot of drivers are liable to just jerk the wheel into a tree or whatever’s around.”
Podcasters were shocked to hear about the study’s findings.
“I get that no one likes advertisements,” said Joseph Greene, a co-host of the You Call That Lunch!? podcast. “But it really does help keep our show going, and we try to make them as inoffensive as possible. Just a quick little ad read and we’re on our way. I mean, we accept ads as a part of TV shows and internet videos, why are people getting into high speed accidents on the freeway because they can’t handle an ad in a podcast?”
As of press time, the study confirmed that a majority of the other 40% of car crashes are a result of the popular “crash your car,” trend that’s currently sweeping TikTok.