CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A recent health study from Harvard University found a potential link between hunger and hallucinating your friend as a giant ham.
“In our control group, those who were fed normally only saw their friend as a human, someone they trust, but fascinatingly, when deprived of food for several hours, our experiment group patients would almost always start to see their friend as a giant, talking cartoon ham,” said Harvard Health Scientist Dr. LeAnn Merlowe. “There were some permutations, some would see their friends as a giant Thanksgiving turkey or hotdog, some of which could talk and some were silent. Even with these variations, it’s amazing to finally confirm this long-debated scientific theory.”
The study’s participants said the experiment was arduous but ultimately rewarding.
“It was tough, having to slowly go insane from hunger and eventually drooling over the giant chicken leg wearing my best friend’s clothes, but that’s science for you,” said study patient Joseph Brock. “I just hope that in some small way my work in this study can provide medical help for anyone out there struggling with Meat-O-Vision in their daily life. Whether your friend is a steak, drumstick, or stack of pancakes, you are not alone. Put away your bib and cutlery that you materialized from behind you and get some help today.”
At press time, the Harvard Health Foundation announced plans for a follow-up study to determine the scientific connection between hunger and floating through the air toward the beckoning scent of a freshly-baked pie .