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New Christopher Nolan Movie Will Require You to Run Between Three Different Theaters

LOS ANGELES — Universal announced today that Christopher Nolan’s next film will require viewers to run between three different theaters at once to fully experience the film, sources have confirmed. 

“I’ve been wanting to do a project like this for years,” said the director and cinephile, who famously refuses to shoot on digital and was vocally upset about WarnerMedia’s decision to premiere films online during the worst waves of the pandemic. “And I thought what better way to celebrate our long overdue return to the cinema by tasking moviegoers to run around in the multiplex trying to piece together whatever the hell my latest confusing movie is truly about. If you thought piecing my old movies together was tough, wait until you have to start navigating the multiplex and figuring out what a good time would be to switch screens.”

Though information about the project is scarce, a participant in a recent test screening spoke to the media anonymously. 

“It was so crazy, they didn’t tell us what we were going to see, so when Christopher Nolan’s name came up on the screen our whole theater cheered,” said the anonymous viewer. “But then the directions appeared on the screen, telling us that there are three different parts to the film that were all showing at the same time on different screens. Around this time, some people from the other two theaters started poking their heads in and asking what was going on in our screen, so that’s when I hit the hallway and decided to check the rest of the movie out.”

“The guy loves the concept of time!” the viewer added. “That’s for fucking sure, at least.”

The anonymous cinema goer eventually came to appreciate Nolan’s latest, despite not fully understanding it. 

“I got the gist of it, that’s for sure,” he said, struggling to catch his breath after the 154-minute film had resumed. “Tom Hardy’s great, Michael Caine is great as the dad. The action was spectacular. I think I was in the wrong theater for most of the Cillian Murphy Marion Cotillard love story, but that’s really on me. All in all, super fun, and I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. Nolan’s done it again.” 

As of press time, Warner Bros. and Nolan confirmed that you’d have to buy three tickets for each showing of the upcoming film.

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