LOS ANGELES — With the Caped Crusader’s latest cinematic reimagining, The Batman, hitting theaters next month, Warner Bros. has announced their next take on the iconic character’s history, a prequel that will mostly focus on a young Bruce Wayne’s parents getting really into the local Gotham theatre scene.
“Oh look at that, season tickets,” begins the ominous teaser that premiered online earlier today, as a young woman opens an envelope on Christmas Morning. “What a wonderful gift from The Monarch Theatre. Maybe we should go check out a show sometime after all. I hear they’re doing wonderful things with that part of town!”
The film will be directed by up and coming director Colton Harris, who spoke to the press earlier this morning about his upcoming feature, which sees the Wayne’s take in many iconic theatrical productions before what he calls an ‘explosive finale.’
“Look, there’s one thing people want to know about their favorite characters,” he said. “What were they like as little pissy-pants kids? We’ve seen glimpses of it here and there, but we’ve never gotten to fully dive into what it was like when The World’s Greatest Detective had to stay home from school for two weeks because he was sad. Needless to say, this is going to be one of the darkest takes on The Dark Knight that we’ve seen yet.”
The titular role was cast after an exhaustive search of actors that could portray the brooding Bruce Wayne character with the appropriate amount of gravitas required for the role.
“They said I get to be Batman,” said Conner Carlson, a nine year old child that won the coveted part out of over 10,000 applicants. “But then they said I just have to pwetwend to watch Phantum of the Opwah [sic] and that I don’t get to fight anybody. But they promised I get to be Batman! Look out mister Joker man!”
As of press time it was announced that the upcoming prequel will actually be split into two three-hour movies, titled Batman: Overture and Batman: The Long Dark Intermission.