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Man Watches ‘Barry Lyndon’ As Kubrick Intended on Screen of PSP

LOS ANGELES — 22-year-old barista Harrison Mahler was thrilled to finally get the opportunity to watch Stanley Kubrick’s 1975 epic period drama Barry Lyndon, and he made sure to watch it the way the auteur intended: on the four-inch screen of his PSP.

“I’m scrolling through eBay one day, looking for some old Sony hits on UMD, God of War: Ghost of Sparta or maybe a Ratchet & Clank, and I see this vendor selling a shit ton of classic films for mad cheap,” said Mahler. “I bought like a dozen or so movies for maybe…60 bucks? But I was definitely most stoked to finally watch Barry Lyndon. They shot this whole thing with candles, can you believe that shit? None of this CGI crap that they’re shoving down our throats these days. Ryan O’Neal brings the urchin swag and there are about 50 duels with all sorts of weapons. Well, guns and swords, at least.”

While Mahler loved watching Kubrick’s underrated masterpiece on a 4.3-inch LCD screen, local film critic Colin McKay was skeptical when he heard of the

“You really should be at the cinema the first time you see a showstopper like Barry Lyndon, in my opinion,” mused McKay, who once punched a man in the head for whispering during the title sequence of In The Mood for Love. “No popcorn, no drink, just you, the natural lighting, and those iconic backward zooms. But look, I’m not the type of guy to knock a new cinematic experience before I try it. Just last week, I burst into full body sobs while watching The Piano Teacher on an Oculus Rift. But still, I don’t know. A PSP?” 

The estate of director Stanley Kubrick corroborated claims that this is what he would’ve wanted. 

“Stanley wanted his films to feel immersive,” said an anonymous source from the estate who repeatedly informed us that he was wearing one of those freaky masks from Eyes Wide Shut while talking on the phone, “For their worlds to stick in the minds of his audiences, to linger in their dreams. You wanna feel close to Redmond Barry, like you’re basically him? Crawl into your twin bed, cover yourself in Nacho Cheese Doritos crumbs, and hold that PlayStation Portable about three inches from your face. You’ll feel like that highwayman’s pointing his musket right at you, big boy!”

Mahler plans on continuing to watch classic films on his various handheld gaming consoles – tonight, he’ll be screening “either Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom” on his Nintendo 3DS.