LOS ANGELES — Local hero George R.R. Martin has reportedly worried everyone focused on his main quest, conquering A Song of Ice and Fire, while he continues to pile up unfinished side quests, according to those familiar with the situation.
“People keep asking me for help with their sidequests, what am I supposed to do? Say no? I can’t let these people down — they simply want me to collect several new stories about Dunk and Egg,” explained Martin. “Every day I walk into some office and a guy in a suit asks me to do some new thing and I say yes. It’s hard to even tell who’s a quest-giving person and who’s just an angry fan! This is why I hate open worlds that don’t give you more clues as to what you should be doing. Except Elden Ring, of course; I was really happy to spend a good chunk of my time completing that side quest.”
While Martin’s main quest continues to rage on, many concerned citizens have spoken out against him.
“It would be like if our world was being held hostage by a giant evil demon-lord and George spent his days trying to win fishing contests. But it’s not like that. It’s worse,” said Twitter user @ManyFacedTodd.
“It could be really dangerous if he doesn’t focus on the main quest. I know he thinks time just stands still while he does these side quests, but it’s not the case. I mean look at what happened with the Game of Thrones TV show!” said Redditor u/VarymyrForeskin.
“Honestly I don’t care at this point,” said Tiktoker @TheonNojoy. “I’ve written more angry screeds about George delaying Winds than he has written books. And I’m not talking about just this series.”
At press time, Martin had signed up for yet another side quest, agreeing to travel to Ukraine to help fight back the Russian invaders with the local military.
