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Luigi Departs from Mario Bros. Sequel to Portray James Bond

LOS ANGELES — Luigi Mario, co-star of this year’s blockbuster Super Mario Bros. Movie, shocked the film world today, announcing his exit from the sequel in order to portray James Bond, sources have confirmed. 

“It’s-a surprise, I know it,” said Luigi at a press conference earlier today, standing with his agent and manager. “But after they-a dubbed my voice with some actor in the movie, I will play these games-a no more. For that reason, I have exited the Mario sequel, and am looking forward to portraying double oh seven-a. It’s exciting, but also a little-a scary!” 

The move shocked fans of both franchises. 

“Wow, who would’ve seen this coming,” asked Brent James, a local gamer. “I like both of those series a lot, but this just seems like odd casting. I’ll give it a chance, though. Does this mean Luigi is going to be shooting a gun? And fucking girls? On second thought, I really, really want to see that.”  

The upcoming Luigi-led Bond film, the 26th in the series, will begin production this fall. 

“I’m really excited to start shooting The Spy That Jumped Over Me,” said director Sam Mendes. “There’s been a lot of speculation as to who would take over the Bond role, and naturally the internet ran wild with rumors and speculation. Most of it was complete nonsense, of course, but when I saw a young man posting about why Luigi would be the best James Bond, I thought, ‘Wait a minute, this little kid is right!’ I’m just so lucky we were able to convince him to leave his brother’s side.” 

As of press time, Aston Martin had debuted the cutest damn James Bond car you’ve ever seen. 

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