RIYADH, Saudi Arabia — The new Saudi-operated Dragonball Z theme park turned Krillin away from his own ride due to safety concerns for his tiny little boy body, multiple sources confirmed.
“Same shit, different day. I barely get any screen time on the show as it is, the least they could do is let me ride my own damn rollercoaster,” said Krillin, while flying around freely through the air faster than a rollercoaster could ever go. “My own daughter can go on the ride, but I can’t. Sure, she could be killed in the street here if her knees are exposed, but that’s nothing compared to the immense shame I feel as a man of below average height. A person can only be stoned to death once; I have to live with my height every day.”
Goku, the face of the theme park and the series, was outraged by the oversight.
“So are you, like, a journalist person? You have to write down everything I say, right? Blehlahlohblahhhhh! Hehehehe. This is fun,” said Goku, while getting tangled in his own mic cord. “Anyway, it’s not right that my friend can’t go on his ride. Is Frieza running the park or something? Hehe, just kidding. I’ll just stuff Krillin into my gi so we can sneak onto the ride together! I bet it’ll make a great filler episode, too. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have to fight the 15-year-old human ride attendant. I hope he’s strong cause I won’t hold back!”
The creator of the park, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, tried to defuse the situation.
“Honestly, if Goku and Krillin weren’t so strong, someone might’ve assassinated them already for complaining publicly. Of course — if any of our park patrons were to complain, absolutely nothing bad would happen to them,” said MBS, winking heavily. “Unfortunately, the rules are the rules, and we here in Saudi Arabia are extremely concerned about park safety. We wouldn’t want anyone being killed on a ride.”
At press time, Krillin was seen attempting to price out leg-lengthening surgery on his cop salary.
