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Jedi Apologizes and Agrees to Attend Counseling After Explaining He Thought Red Lightsaber ‘Just Looked Cooler’

CORUSCANT — Local Jedi Knight Randor Holobon says he regrets showing up to a routine peace-keeping mission wielding a red lightsaber, in what many have called a distasteful and offensive display of ignorance. 

“I always wondered why so many Jedi used the same green sabers, so I thought I’d spice things up with a customized red one,” said Holobon, nervously thumbing through a saber-sensitivity hologram he received from the Jedi Council human resources department for his upcoming counseling sessions. “I really didn’t know that could be considered offensive. I just want everyone to know I’m not that kind of Twi’lek.” 

“I didn’t even really need to turn the saber on that day,” Holobon explained, tears welling up in his seven eyes. “It was just a routine trade dispute, but I was so excited to show it to everyone.”

Other Jedi close to Holobon seemed to echo the public sentiment that the debacle is a huge blow to the Order’s already shaky reputation. 

“The damn thing is red, for Force’s sake. These young Knights just don’t know their history,” said Kitt Fisto, a Jedi Master from Coruscant with tentacle-dreads. “He’s lucky no one tried to duel him. We tend to get a little jump after a dramatic red lightsaber reveal.”

As with many issues throughout the galaxy, however, there are differing opinions on both sides of the fence-made-out-of-energy-beams.

“I can feel his embarrassment and shame. They make him stronger, weirdly,” said a hooded figure who chose to remain anonymous under threat of death, while steepling their fingers. “Everything goes according to plan.”

At press time, Holobon said that after finishing his Jedi Order-mandated counseling he hopes to spread awareness through the Force about the color red.

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