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James Gunn Reveals ‘Superman’ Reboot Will Be Adapted From That Goldfinger Song

LOS ANGELES — Filmmaker and new head of DC films James Gunn has revealed that his upcoming Superman film will rely heavily on the lyrics of the popular Goldfinger song, “Superman,” for its inspiration, sources have confirmed. 

“There’s so much material to choose from, I thought it would be fun to go in this entirely new direction,” said Gunn, shortly after appearing with the band on Hollywood Boulevard to make the announcement. “John Feldmann and company’s take on the ‘Superman’ lore has always fascinated me. Here’s Clark Kent, doing everything he can, holding onto what he is. Is he the Superman the red son of Krypton fated him to be, or is he merely pretending? I think every Superman goes through a moment where he wants to throw it all awayyyyy, but ours is just going to have a very ’90s West Coast flavor.” 

The news was met with mixed reactions from comic book fans. 

“Wait, like that song from Tony Hawk?” asked local gamer Joe McNeil. “Look, it’s a great song, there’s no way around that, but is there a two hour movie in there? I mean, There’s not really a villain, besides the singer’s self-doubt. How do you shoot that? Oh man, this is going to be mostly Clark Kent sad about Lois Lane, isn’t it? Great. I will give it the benefit of the doubt though, because Gunn always does such fun stuff with music in his movies. If anyone can turn a three minute ska song into a beloved superhero film, it’s him.” 

Members of Goldfinger were delighted yet perplexed by announcement. 

“This song has nothing to do with DC Comics or the Superman character,” Feldmann clarified. “It was a song I wrote in my 20s about the growing feelings of alienation and depression that are common amongst so many of us. It was later immortalized in the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater video games, and it’s generally one of the more well-remembered ska songs from the third wave of the late ‘90s. I’m not sure how he’s gonna fit Lex Luthor in there, but I guess that’s his problem to figure out.” 

“Who cares?” asked Gunn in response to Feldmann’s skepticism. “That shit slaps.”