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Here’s All the Employees Netflix Is Letting Go This Month

Netflix has a HUGE month planned for subscribers, with new movies and television shows including a whole slate of original content! Unfortunately, it also has a huge month planned for employees, with new layoffs, firings, and revoked pensions. Here’s all the employees Netflix is letting go this month. Make sure to get a good look at them before they’re gone in August!

  • Hebert Shizlet — REASON FOR TERMINATION: Sat on his chair too hard and broke it
  • Michael Coffee — REASON FOR TERMINATION: Brought soup for lunch, but didn’t bring enough for the whole office.
  • Lisa Subaru — REASON FOR TERMINATION: Her name sounds like “Lease a Subaru”
  • Sherry RichardsonREASON FOR TERMINATION: Dead
  • Winston Eggles — REASON FOR TERMINATION: Killed Sherry Richardson
  • Kevin Brownlee — REASON FOR TERMINATION: None. Guy’s a total boy scout. Not sure why he’s on this list but oh well
  • Josh Duhamel — REASON FOR TERMINATION: Star of Jupiter’s Legacy
  • Caroline Germano — REASON FOR TERMINATION: Drinks water from one of those protein shaker water bottles
  • Addison Jacobi  REASON FOR TERMINATION: Made a Borat reference
  • Samuel Jenkins REASON FOR TERMINATION: Doesn’t like La La Land
  • Mark Bittini — REASON FOR TERMINATION: We already have someone named Mark
  • Mark De Costa — REASON FOR TERMINATION: We already have someone named Mark

If you see your name on this list, we’re sorry we had to tell you this way. Please clear out your desk and report to Patty in HR. Also Patty, you’re fired.