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Hayao Miyazaki: “Cutesy Movies Won’t Save the Environment. I’m Going to Blow Up a Factory”

TOKYO — Legendary Studio Ghibli director and animator Hayao Miyazaki reportedly went off the rails during an interview about future projects, claiming he was going to take matters of conservation into his own hands.

“Cutesy movies won’t save the environment. I’m going to blow up a factory,” the Spirited Away director said Thursday. “Man is killing the Earth, and I can make a thousand adorable Totoro movies, but it will not stop a logger from massacring a jungle. You idiots aren’t getting the message. So now instead of painstakingly animating a beautiful metaphor for environmentalism, my next big project will be detonating an improvised pipe bomb on the load-bearing walls of a sheet metal plant deep in the Amazon. I have detailed sketches and storyboards of what I intend the explosion to look like, including a gorgeous full-color animation of the factory foreman charring to an obsidian corpse.”

Miyazaki fans seemed unsure about the Japanese animator’s latest project.

“I’ve seen all of his movies, he captures nature so beautifully, but I’m not sure how he would handle an act of terrorism,” Ghibli fan Marcus Renfield said. “I’m sure it would look spectacular, even if I didn’t really care about the characters or the story it would probably be a feast for the eyes at least. Honestly, even though it’s an extremist act that will likely have a high amount of human casualties, I can’t wait to see it and it will probably somehow remind me of my childhood.”

At press time, sources close to Miyazaki reported that the filmmaker was also planning to detonate a local movie theater after learning that it would be showing one of his son’s films.