Press "Enter" to skip to content

Frank Miller Brings Gritty Noir Sensibility to Niece’s Baby Shower

SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Iconic comic book author Frank Miller brought his trademark terse and pulpy style to his niece Annabelle’s baby shower last weekend, several irritated sources reported. 

“Lotta dames here, lotta reasons to keep drinking,” said Miller out loud to no one in particular shortly after arriving at the backyard party. “Guy could really get himself into trouble at a gig like this. All long legs and stiff drinks. Better split before I start making mistakes. No one here worth goin’ to Hell for.”

The Sin City author’s constant stream of punchy narration and reduction of females to basic stereotypes put off many family members, including his niece, Cynthia Miller, who was hosting the party in her backyard. 

“Ugh, Uncle Frank is always doing this,” said Miller. “On my 18th birthday he wrote in my card ‘To my Pretty Patty, I’d tell you not to start smoking, but you have been for years.’ What a fucking creep. And my name is not even Patty! I was so worried he would show up and get his weird noir stink all over everything, and here we fucking are. It sucks having Frank Miller as your uncle.”  

Several members of Miller’s extended family have reportedly found his presence at family functions offputting over the years. 

“I remember the first time Lynn [Varley, Miller’s ex-wife] brought him to Christmas, something was strange about him,” said Sharon Varley, Miller’s former mother in law. “He kept going outside to smoke, which I told him he didn’t have to do, but he insisted. And it was pouring out! ” 

As of press time, Miller was being forcibly removed from the baby shower after reminding everyone of his 2008 directorial effort, The Spirit.

Listen to the newest episode of our podcast, The Ace Watkins Presidential Hour:

Hello adventurer! Please collect five USD skins a month and head to our Patreon.
Become a patron at Patreon!