WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking revelation, a former FBI Insider gave sworn testimony this week confirming the existence of what he called “non-human biologics – and also a worm man,” sources have confirmed.
“I was initially informed of their existence during the course of my official duties, and later confirmed for myself, that aliens do exist – and also there’s a worm man,” claimed the FBI Whistleblower. “Sort of like a half-man, half-worm kind of deal. This all falls under the umbrella of the ‘UAP task force’. They’re assigned to retrieve non-human-origin technical vehicles. And they also have to feed the worm man. He’s living in a big tank, and they have these flakes that they sort of shake into the water for him.”
The testimony has rocked the scientific world, leading many to question the very foundation of human existence.
“If worm-guys are real, then who knows what else could be out there?” asked Dr. Maria Zuber, Head of MITs Research Department. “What if there’s also a fish-man? Can the fish-man feel love? And what if a person falls in love with the fish-man? How would they express their love, physically? Would they do it like fish or like men? I have a lot of questions.”
The revelation quickly captured the general public’s imagination. Believers and skeptics alike gathered Wednesday night to listen as the whistleblower continued his testimony before congress.
“People will say there’s no precedent for a worm man, but the term ‘worm’ is derived from the Norse word ‘orm’, meaning ‘serpent’ or ‘dragon’, and history is littered with countless examples of humans confronting dragons,” said the charismatic FBI agent. “Of course, ‘Saint George and the Worm Man’ doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.”
Following the hearing, China’s Vice Premier Ding Xuexiang told reporters: “If the United States has been hiding a worm-man, I don’t see how they can be trusted to negotiate a trade deal in good faith.”