Press "Enter" to skip to content

Everything You ACTUALLY Need to Know About Marvel Phase 5

Dozens of new Marvel films are just around the corner, and if you don’t know all the stuff about them, it could ruin your life forever. Thankfully, you’ve found your way to our website, we where we have listed out all the things you ACTUALLY need to know about Marvel’s upcoming Phase 5 so that you can continue living your life.

Will there be porn of She-Hulk?

Alright. Sure. Act like you haven’t already checked.

Who is Kang?

He’s that one guy in that one TV show about that one character from that comic book.

Who will play Kang?

Disney is waiting to see which side of the allegations has more angry people before deciding at this time.

 Will The Eternals return?

What? Who? The Eternals don’t exist. You sound insane.

How is Marvel combatting MCU fatigue?

By releasing a bunch of really long TV shows about minor characters you don’t care about

When is ‘Armor Wars’ being released?

Whenever a single person asks for it to be

Isn’t this comic book shit for nerds?

Hell yeah, man. Wanna grab a beer?

Why isn’t Deadpool on the slate?

Deadpool became self-aware that he was joining the MCU, and in a hilarious breaking of the fourth wall had himself pushed back until phase 7

Are my parents proud of me?

This doesn’t have anything to do with the MCU so I’m not sure why you’re asking here, but no. They are not.

Will John Krasinski officially join the MCU?

After being added by popular demand, he has been removed by popular demand

Where’s Doctor Strange? Where’s The X-Men? Where’s Spider-Man?

Please just learn to be happy with what you have.

Is this somehow Disney being woke?

You’re Goddamn right it is. Hold on, let me go get my gun.