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Everything We Regrettably Know About Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 comes out May 5, 2023 and fans are certain it’s going to be the best MCU movie since the last time there was a good one. Maybe one of the Spider-Man movies? I dunno. Anyway, here’s all the things we know, for better or for worse, about the upcoming Guardians movie.

Who will die?

Cinema.

Will James Gunn’s brother Sean be in tt?

Sean Gun is rumored to return as the CGI stand-in for Rocket Raccoon, Groot, Drax, Gamora, Mantis, and Star Lord

Will the VFX Artists get to work less than 13 Hours a day?

Look. You want the movie in May or not?

Will this director-driven ensemble comedy finally bring Marvel out of the soulless, boring slog of the last two years?

No.

What amazing retro songs will be on the soundtrack?

Marvel has attempted to cut costs by using only public domain songs, including a tragic death scene of Rocket Raccoon while ‘Hot Cross Buns’ solemnly plays

What will the post-credits scene be?

A big A-List celebrity you know will walk onscreen and say “Hello, I am this character from the comics. I will be in the next movie” to raucous applause.

What will the film be rated?

2.5 stars on Letterboxd

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