LOS ANGELES — CEO and President of Warner Bros. Discovery, Dvd Zslv (formerly David Zaslav) has announced he is deleting his vowels in a tax write off.
“At first I thought there’s no way I can make money from this,” said Zslv from his underground lair. “But then I realized within capitalism anything is possible. My accountant loved the idea and already had a boilerplate document ready for me to eke out a few dollars from removing the vowels from my name.”
He added, “My next plan is to somehow find a way to make money by killing Bugs Bunny while Daffy Duck is forced to watch.”
Experts who reviewed the tax write off say it’s a bold but fair move from an executive known for killing movie and TV projects, but other execs think he’s gone too far.
“I get it,” said Bob Iger, CEO of Walt Disney and the man who forced David Lynch to reveal who killed Laura Palmer in an apparent lack of understanding Twin Peaks’ appeal. “If I could make money by selling my own children, I’d do it, but your name is your name. This isn’t like creating a TV series of a hit book series and then shelving it before it gets released to save some dollars which is what I did to the Spiderwick Chronicles. And 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea. I mean really at this point I’d burn Disneyworld to the ground if I thought it would make me a dollar.”
Economists have weighed in on entertainment execs spending more time placating their shareholders than entertaining their customers.
“We have a term for this. It’s rare, but studied by some rogue scholars across the universites,” said economics professor Stephanie Archer. “It’s called an economic serial killer. To be the head of an entertainment service when you seem to hate entertaining your customers is one of the main signs.”
According to those close to the executive, Dvd Zslv’s next plan is to find a way to monetize the rage and disgust felt against him by everyone he’s ever met or spoken to.
