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Disney Opens Cheaper, Dingier Star Wars Motel 6

BAY LAKE, Fla. — In the wake of the announced closure of their expensive, immersive Star Wars hotel, Disney unveiled plans for a more affordable yet admittedly dingy Star Wars themed Motel 6

“We realized that the high price point for our Star Wars hotel was a big turn off for customers, so now you can pay nine bucks for a straw-filled mattress with a picture of an Ewok on it,” said Disney Imagineer Theo Finley. “It’s not as fully-immersive as our luxury hotel, but there will be an overweight man in a Party City Darth Vader costume hanging around the “cantina,” which is just a bar cart with a six pack of White Claws.”

Trial residents of the new Disney attraction have already praised the atmosphere of the overnight stay. 

“There are some real Star Wars experiences to still be had for this affordable price,” said early-access visitor Lidia Markowitz. “It was so cool to see the seedy underbelly of the galaxy far far away, a galaxy that apparently in the lore doesn’t have heating or running water. We saw smugglers, junkers, and someone in a black vest even held us up in the parking lot, although I don’t think any of them were technically part of the motel.”

Disney CEO Bob Iger elaborated on some other cost-effective Disney parks in the future. 

“With how expensive some of our parks have become, we’re planning on creating stripped-down, cheap versions of all our attractions,” Iger said. “Is Disney World too expensive for your family’s income? No problem. For just $60, we’ll let you all look at a picture of Goofy. From far away of course. The up-close Goofy pass is about $95 a person.”

At press time, Disney reported that the Star Wars Motel would cost families a mere $10 a night, but they would also offer a special experience with Mark Hamill for an additional $6.

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