LOS ANGELES — Actor Seth Rogen was caught by police today with a baggie of marijuana, frightening his friends and family and greatly disappointing his fans, according to those familiar with the situation.
“It’s so heartbreaking to hear. I used to really look up to Seth — he was my hero! To hear that he has gotten himself hooked on drugs, like marijuana, is just devastating for me. I’ll never look at him the same way,” said former Seth Rogen fan Shelby Meyers. “I think the worst part about it is knowing that it’s a moral issue. I just can’t help but look at Seth like he’s a worse person now. And that’s very likely because he is. They call that drug the ‘devil’s lettuce’ for a reason and it’s not because it’s a healthy vegetable to form the base of a delicious salad. Shame on him, I hope his career is over.”
Those close to Rogen were reportedly spending time reconsidering their relationship after the revelation.
“I’m honestly just not sure I can continue being friends with the guy after hearing this. I really need to spend a lot of time apart and really think about whether he’s a good influence on me,” said Rogen’s longtime writing partner Evan Goldberg. “It’s absolutely terrifying to imagine that all those years we spent together — all the work we did as a group — he was high on drugs. I’m honestly not even sure if I know the real Seth. I don’t know if there’s even a real Seth to begin with. When I look at photos of the two of us now, I see there’s a deep sense of nothingness behind his eyes. It’s crazy, but I really had no idea at all; he hid it so well. He’s a very high functioning marijuanaholic, and frankly, a menace, I now know.”
All productions that Rogen was involved with have halted and many have begun the difficult process of recasting.
“We just don’t know if we can work with someone who is such a danger,” said a spokesperson from Universal. “We wish Seth well in his recovery, but honestly we need to get him as far away as possible from the big screen. There could be millions of kids around the world watching his movies and deciding to do drugs because of him.”
At press time, Rogen declined to comment on this developing story, probably due to being blasted out of his mind on drugs, that lazy disgrace.
