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Critics Blast Kids Choice Awards for Not Sliming More Female Nominees

LOS ANGELES — Following the recent Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards, many viewers and participants slammed the award ceremony for not sliming more female nominees.

“Of the twenty people slimed, only four were women,” said Kids’ Choice Awards watcher Theresa Mayhew. “I don’t understand why these award shows refuse to acknowledge the accomplishments of women, and never realize that a woman can get coated in a thick, viscous green goop just as well as a man can.”

Previous Kid’s Choice Award Winner Ariana Grande said that the lack of female representation in the sliming community reflects the industry as a whole.

“When I was slimed, it was a huge upset that a woman was able to push through and have gallons of goo explode in her face,” Grande said. “People were instantly posting and tweeting that one of my fellow nominees like Dora’s Backpack or Mr. Krabs deserved it far more. We have to work twice as hard to get up to that podium underneath the slime vat, but when I was spraying the neon sludge out of my hair the rest of the night, it all felt worth it.”

Nickelodeon President Brian Robbins elaborated on steps the company would be taking to be more inclusive in the future.

“We’ve decided that our award process needs to be more fair to all genders,” Robbins said. “Going forward, we’ve decided to split up some of the categories to make sure more women have the same chance to be dunked in a mysterious green residue. Categories like Best Kiss, Favorite Funny Animal, and Most Epic Dance Move will now have male and female categories to make sure the sliming is equally doled out among men and women alike.”

At press time, Kids’ Choice Award sources also reported the tragic statistic that the women who do break the glass ceiling only receive 70% of the slime of their male counterparts.