HOLLYWOOD — Marvel fans are up in arms after learning the baby between Mr. Fantastic and The Invisible Woman was conceived via intercourse, an act that was strictly forbidden in the MCU up until now, our sources confirm.
“I don’t know what that sick freak Kevin Feige is up to,” says one Marvel fan after watching the most recent MCU film The Fantastic Four: First Steps. “But the idea of two physically fit and attractive actors having sexual relations as characters from my beloved comic books is vile and wrong.”
Without spoiling the MCU’s most recent entry, the public relations team for the film has been hard at work doing damage control across social media.
“The MCU Multiverse is vast and expansive,” said head of Marvel PR Janice Copper to an angry mob outside of the company’s Burbank location. “FF:FS takes place in a universe where sex isn’t just a normal occurrence, but the ideal way to reproduce, something Earth 616 is not accustomed to.”
This mass hysteria has even made its way to the lead actors of the film, who were bombarded with questions this past weekend at the premiere’s red carpet event.
“Aren’t these the same fans who wanted Ant-Man to go up Thanos’ butt?” said Pedro Pascal to a reporter for IGN. “Marvel fans need to expand their horizons and watch more sexual cinema. Something like Y tu mamá también might scar them for life, maybe start with When Harry Met Sally.”
Even Kevin Feige himself has had to face the criticism and defend the creative choices of his writers.
“It was a decision that we grappled with for weeks. If a baby is in the picture, sex is implied, and that’s a big Marvel no no,” he said during a roundtable last week promoting the film. “The only other time we implied sex is when Deadpool gets pegged, and everyone seemed to love that! But this? Not so much.”
At press time, MCU fans have forgotten whatever they were mad about after seeing Silver Surfer and having a whole new thing to bitch about.
