LOS ANGELES — After a test screening of his upcoming blockbuster Oppenheimer, director Christopher Nolan has announced he is hastily editing the final cut of the film after the audience was able to understand the ending.
“I was horrified to see people leaving the theater, talking about how they enjoyed the ending and have a solid grasp on the movie’s plot,” Nolan said. “I’m going back to the editing bay to make sure that the moment the movie releases there are two dozen ‘Ending Explained’ YouTube videos posted. I’m adding two more twists, four more simultaneous timelines, and twelve pages of convoluted science explanation. If you want to enjoy a Nolan movie, your ass has to work for it. And don’t bother asking me about the plot of the film, because I cut that thing up and mixed it around so much that even I have no idea what’s happening.”
“And for the love of god, if I find out a single fucking person watches this movie without subtitles on,” Nolan added, “I’m gonna kill another wife. I fucking mean it.”
Audiences of the new cut of the film have been pleased with the new high-concept ending.
“When I watched Oppenheimer the first time, it was a clean-cut movie that had one, coherent plot in chronological order. I’m so glad Nolan fixed that,”said viewer Andrea Hertzfeld. “Now the middle of the movie is the first twenty minutes told backward, the ending and the beginning play at the same time cross cut with each other, and what you think is the ending is actually the beginning, and vice versa, and also neither are either. It’s Nolan’s masterpiece in my opinion.”
At press time, sources reported that Nolan was finally satisfied with the sequence of the film when a screening gave the entire audience at the premiere an instant migraine.
