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Chris Pratt Reveals He Prepared for Role of Mario By Depositing Check From Nintendo

LOS ANGELES — On the heels of the upcoming Mario movie, voice actor Chris Pratt revealed he prepared for the iconic titular role by depositing his check from Nintendo. 

“Playing such a huge, titanic figure in gaming history was a lot of pressure, but after cashing my check from Nintendo, I was ready to go,” Pratt explained. “My research was exhaustive. I looked into tiny details that would affect my character like how much Nintendo was going to offer me, how much that would be after taxes, and how much my church would take off the top. After that, I spent months doing preparation for the job, and once my Amazon wishlist was updated, I felt prepared to step into the recording booth.”

Pratt’s fellow castmates elaborated on their respective processes for embodying their Mario characters.

“It was incredibly rewarding to step into the shoes of the incredibly fun and iconic Princess….I wanna say…Strawberry?” said Anya Taylor-Joy. “A lot of people say that roles in movies like this are just a paycheck, but the truth is they’re wrong. It’s a really big paycheck. Seriously, you can’t comprehend what you can buy with money like this. If you don’t enjoy the Mario movie while you’re seeing it, just take a second, close your eyes, and think about what you could buy with four million dollars. It makes everything go by a lot faster, trust me.”

Shigeru Miyamoto explained why Pratt was an easy choice for the role of Mario.

“What drew me to the choice of Chris Pratt was, much like Mario, how drawn he is to money,” Miyamoto said. “Just like my videogame character, he is willing to put his livelihood on the line for merely a few more coins. If Mario were real, he would similarly debase his career by being in a cash grab Mario movie if the price was right.”

At press time, sources at Illumination reported that Pratt had further embodied the role of Mario by peaking early on in his career, and becoming more boring and watered down with every passing year.