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Chris Pratt Reportedly Developing Link Voice He Thinks “Fans Will Really Love”

LOS ANGELES — Following his success in the lead role of The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Chris Pratt has revealed that he’s working on a Link voice that he hopes will impress Nintendo fans, presumably in preparation for a Legend of Zelda film.

“I know people weren’t pumped with the amount of effort I put into my Mario voice,” said Pratt, star of Guardians of the Galaxy, Jurassic World, and next month’s Frogger movie. “And I want to make it up to them by showing the proper respect another one of their favorite characters deserves. And that’s why I will do everything I can to make sure my Link voice is what gamers want to hear. Gosh, this sure is exciting for me, huh?” 

The announcement received largely negative feedback from the gaming community. 

“Jesus Christ I’d like to run that guy over with a van,” said Carl Kidwell, a local Zelda fan. “First he comes and pisses all over Mario and Charles Martinet, and now he is going to be the voice of Link, who isn’t supposed to talk! Can Chris Pratt just like, take a day off or something? Fucking hell.” 

Nintendo executives pushed back against the negative reception the announcement received. 

“Chris [Pratt] has been giving this thing his absolute all,” said Nintendo of America President Doug Bowser. “He’s been studying the games, and getting the ‘Hyah!’ and grunts just right, and working backward from there to inform his entire performance as Link. I think this is really gonna blow people away. Oh, and Seth Rogen is going to play Navi!” 

As of press time, Pratt had uploaded a massively unpopular Instagram video with him teasing Link’s iconic, “Excuuuuuse me, princess,” line from the short lived The Legend of Zelda animated series. 

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