Press "Enter" to skip to content

“But Who Should We Cast as the Upsetting Weirdo?” Muse Movie Executives as Jared Leto Inexplicably Appears in Puff of Smoke

LOS ANGELES — Upon struggling to cast an upsetting weirdo character in an upcoming drama film, Warner Bros. film executives reportedly were aghast after Jared Leto suddenly appeared in a puff of smoke.

“We couldn’t find an actor to play this strange freak character in the script, when suddenly purple smoke started billowing up from the floor and Jared Leto grandly stepped out from the fog, as if he was summoned,” said casting director Jane Frincely. “He posed and gestured in silence, displaying his upsetting physical form before us until we reluctantly agreed he could play the maniacal character we were unable to cast.”

The director of the film Reynolds Lean claimed that he had no choice but to eventually let Leto into the cast.

“I did not want to audition Mr. Leto, as I have been unhappy with past performances and set behavior of his, but he just mysteriously showed up in the room,” Lean said. “I begged and pleaded with the studio not to hire him, after Jared kept somehow appearing on site, lurking on the set despite several people being hired to keep him out, it seemed easier to just let him be in the film.”

Leto later confirmed the alleged story as being true.

“Yes, ‘tis true. Whenever a casting agent needs a thin little oddity I shall be there post haste,” Leto said. “Whether an Oscar bait drama or a cash grab franchise film, I will always show up in whatever movie you’re watching as an ugly, horrible little monster man. Lead role? Supporting? One scene cameo? It matters not to me. I simply need to put on crazy makeup and absurd prosthetics and give the most embarrassing, over-the-top performance you’ve ever laid eyes on. Audiences won’t like it. Critics won’t like it. My fellow castmates will have terrible anecdotes to say about me. But nevertheless, I’ll be there next year with another gross, spindly boy for you to devour.”

At press time, sources reported that Jared Leto had again mysteriously appeared out of thin air when someone announced they were interested in joining a private island sex cult.

Hello adventurer! Please collect five USD skins a month and head to our Patreon.
Become a patron at Patreon!