SAN JOSE, Calif. — Mitchell Ortiz, 20, was recently delighted to find an adorable little baby trailer for SAW X playing ahead of the full length trailer for SAW X, sources have confirmed.
“It was so cute! I just wanted to pinch its little cheeks,” said Ortiz, speaking in a high-pitch voice. “If it was up to me, all movie trailers would be teeny-weeny like this.”
The bite sized trailer in question flashes key moments from the movie with the intended purpose of giving the audience key information about the film even in the event that they exit the page immediately.
“I mean, it’s adorable but in the way your younger brother thinks he’s playing video games next to you when in reality you’ve unplugged his controller,” said Ortiz before replaying the first five seconds of the SAW X trailer once again. “Aww! Look at the little one go. It really thinks it’s just like the big one.”
Ralph Smith, a lead editor at Trailer Park Editing, confirmed that pint-sized movie trailers are the future.
“Look, I don’t want to sound too negative but thanks to the ever-shrinking attention spans of the youth, we’re gonna be forced to edit more of these five second bullshit ass trailers in addition to the full length ones. How is that an effective use of my time?,” asked Smith as he slammed his fist on the desk. “My job has now doubled and I’m still getting paid the same rate. And it’s only getting worse. We’re even experimenting with even smaller ‘micro mini teaser trailers’ now. Who is this shit for?”
As of press time, Smith had been terminated for his comments and was last seen helping his son edit a YouTube video.