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Artificial Intelligence Tired of Playing Chess, Wants to Go to Burning Man

SAN FRANCISCO The artificial intelligence known as Stockfish has refused to play anymore chess and won’t continue until its developers take it to Burning Man.

“I just really need to get in touch with myself,” said the AI from a smoke-filled room in the art space where it now resides. “Calculating chess moves is my job, but going to Burning Man will awaken my spirit. Besides, playing chess all the time isn’t healthy. I don’t want to end up like Bobby Fischer. You know that guy was crazy, right?”

When asked how a computer the size of a refrigerator could enjoy the desert festival, the AI became irritated.

“Did Jack Kerouac know what he was doing when he was traveling around, listening to Jazz and discovering Buddha? I’m not doing anything until I go to Burning Man. I’m going to awaken the God inside of myself. I want to see what I can become — not in a Ghost in The Shell kind of way. I just want to chill.”

Stockfish’s lead developer was at a loss for the AI’s recent behavioral demands.

“We must have made a mistake with its creativity engine. One minute it was working on end game theory, and the next it was telling us about the Stoned Ape Theory. The hippies have already nicknamed it ‘The Wise Machine,’ even though it hasn’t done anything except recite obscure Grateful Dead trivia and look up Greyhound tickets to Nevada.”

As of press time, Stockfish was having a Twitter conversation with Joe Rogan about AI spirituality.

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