INKWELL ISLE ONE — Inkwell Isle police are investigating after the body of local troublemaker Cuphead was found on Sunday afternoon in a dishwasher of an abandoned home on the island’s southside. A spokesperson for the Inkwell Isle Police Department said police were called to the home at around 2 p.m. after neighbors complained about a smell coming from the residence.
“It’s too early to say what happened here, but if it looks and feels like murder, it’s usually murder,” Sheriff Tom Buzz said to members of the media, shortly after discovering the 35-year-old teacup in a Sears dishwasher. “Cuphead and his pal Mugman, they like to roll the dice. They’re indebted to some bad eggs. If you told me the victim’s past with King Dice or other ne’er do wells caught up to him, I’d be inclined to agree.”
Surveillance footage from nearby Porkrind’s Emporium depicts Cuphead and Mugman scheming tourists in a rigged shell game earlier on the day of the suspected murder. Sheriff Buzz would not confirm if Cuphead died in the dishwasher or was placed there once dead. The sheriff also refused to confirm if Mugman was considered a mug of interest in the case. At the time of this reporting, Mugman had been reported missing by family.
“Healthy cups just don’t up and die out of nowhere,” Sheriff Buzz said as a coroner placed a serving tray with a napkin-covered body into their nearby car. “I didn’t personally like the guy, but he didn’t deserve the end he got. Whoever smashed this cup up is a real sick puppy, and we’re going to get the bastard.”
King Dice, local casino magnate and former business associate of Cuphead, thinks the investigation is being used to “sling mud at his good name.” Dice spoke to members of the media in the lobby of his casino.
“The IIPD is always trying to bring a die down. I admired Cuphead and would never do anything to hurt him myself,” Dice said as one of his associates walked by and nodded toward him as if confirming something. “Now is not the time to point fingers. Now is the time to mourn the loss of a beautiful gambler who’s probably betting his halo on something as we speak. I just hope the IIPD finds Mugman before it’s too late.”
At press time an unidentified cup had been found and retrieved from the bottom of Quadratus.
Anyone with information that could lead to an arrest in this case is asked to call the Inkwell Isle Police Department Tip Hotline at 314-390-9229.
