NETCONG, N.J. — Board game manufacturer Breaking Games and distributor Blackbox announced that they have changed the title of the popular social deduction party game “Secret Hitler” to “Straight-Up Hitler.”
“We felt that this change will make the game more accurately reflect the times that we live in now,” said Breaking Games founder Shari Spiro in a statement. “Being current is very important to us. Back in 2016, it seemed like a lot of people might have secretly been Hitler, but now, in 2024, it looks like the masks are off and we have full-on Nazis walking around again. There are people flying swastikas in Columbus, Ohio, for Christ’s sake. So, yeah. ‘Straight-Up Hitler’ it is.”
While Breaking Games and Blackbox ultimately decided on this change, it was also agreed upon by the board game’s designers, Max Temkin, Mike Boxleiter and Tommy Maranges, who have made some interesting changes to the core gameplay in order to reflect the game’s new title.
“So what we’ve done is removed the Liberal faction from the game completely,” Temkin said. “Now everyone is a Fascist automatically, so it’s much easier to pass Fascist policies. We’ve kept the Liberal cards in, just in case you want to be an epic troll and totally try to disrupt the flow of things to absolutely no avail. You can give it the ol’ college try – just like real life! We’ve also updated the cutesy reptile designs for the fascists and Hitler. Now, whoever’s Hitler has a grainy photo of their hero Adolf to stare at for the whole time they’re playing.”
While the move may have seemed controversial on the surface, a shocking amount of Americans are totally cool with this choice and have even embraced it, per multiple reports.
“This is great news. I’ve been looking for a game that caters to me and my beliefs.” said local white guy Kevin Brewster. “Screw those dirty commies. It’s time to Make Germany Great Again! I’m excited to pick up Straight-Up Hitler and play it with my liberal friends. Oh man, they’re gonna be so pissed.”
At press time, copies of the new and “improved” version of the game were seen being delivered to the doorsteps of each of president-elect Trump’s cabinet members.
