Halloween has been studied by the youth for generations. Kids devote hours every year to optimizing routes, profiling houses, and developing a consistent trick to treat ratio. But, that’s not to say they’ve perfected it. You can’t predict all of the spooks and scares from things that go bump in the night. Some houses are worth the time, some houses give out apples, and some houses are home to the living manifestations of buried emotional trauma hell-bent on murdering you. These are video game houses ranked by if it’s worth the risk for a king size candy bar.
Woodland Mansion (Minecraft)
Let’s skip this one. I forgot my diamond armor, and the phantoms are coming out, and some guy who lives there is called “The Vindicator” and I don’t really wanna find out why they call him that. There’s a nice plains biome over there, let’s go there.
House Beneviento (Resident Evil: Village)
Are you crazy?! Local legend says there’s a giant fetus monster in the basement that cries like a baby as it swallows you whole! I’d say a good rule of thumb is, always skip the house of a marionette doll collector, on Halloween and generally in life. Nothing ever good comes out of them.
House of Skulltula (Ocarina of Time)
This place is not worth the yapping they do. I’m not gonna go on a side quest across Hyrule to cure you and your greedy son’s bug disease, I’ve got candy to collect! Go get some other loser kid to do your dirty work for you, spider-man.
Spencer Mansion (Resident Evil)
Do you think anybody’s home? I can hear the dogs barking, they sound like they’re ready to jump through the windows. I don’t know about this one dude, this place gives me the, “has a genetically modified shark tank in the basement” kinda vibe. Maybe we should just trick or treat in Raccoon City, nothing scary ever happens there.
Fatal Frame (Himuro Mansion)
Bad news, this place is home to a cursed family who makes a human sacrifice every decade to appease the devil and prevent the gates of hell from opening. And worse news, they don’t really do trick-or-treating in Japan.
Curien Mansion (The House of the Dead)
What do you mean this looks like the Resident Evil mansion? This is a completely different zombie/horror shooter about a scientist gone mad with the idea of reanimating the dead working in secret for a large corporation out of their mansion’s laboratory set in 1998. It’s way different.
Woodside Apartments (Silent Hill 2)
I know an apartment building isn’t ideal, but you would not believe how foggy it is outside. And look at these shiney new renovations! This place hasn’t had its graphics redone in years, you can really feel the impending doom behind every door. And be sure to steer clear of the pyramid head guy, he’s gonna want to sell you on a timeshare in the Catskills.
10 Ridgeview Court (Phasmophobia)
Looks like a normal house to me, I’m sure that the van outside with all the tech is some kind of elaborate decoration display, nothing to worry about!
Luigi’s Mansion
Yes, absolutely! What’s the harm in visiting this abandoned mansion that has since been taken residence by an illustrious ghost scientist… or, was he a vacuum scientist? Either way, it’s rated E for Everybody, it can’t be that scary.
Carson House (Fears to Fathom)
Jackpot! The guy who lives here is a newly single COO of the local media company, he’s loaded! Mid-life crisis and king size candy bars go hand in hand. Sounds like the divorce was a little rocky though, let’s not stick around too long, he might ask us to house sit for him.
