ALBANY, N.Y. — A GameStop clerk has awkwardly asked if you’d like to donate your Power-Up Rewards balance to a destitute gamer in need, other customers have confirmed.
“So after today’s purchase, you have a balance of 12,800 points,” said the clerk, as the transaction entered its eighth minute. “You could use those to save 15 percent on your next pre-owned purchase, or if you want to donate the points to a gamer in need who could really use some great deals on games, accessories, or Funko Pops at a time like this, we have that option available as well.”
“We also don’t mind at all if you want to round the total of your purchase up so we can donate it to charity on our behalf,” he added. “We really don’t mind at all.”
The solicitation drew mixed responses from fellow customers in the store.
“How has this place been worse every time I’ve come in here for over a decade,” asked Mandy Burton, the woman standing directly behind you in line. “Although to be fair, I never really understand the point thing when they explain it to me, they just insist it’s a good deal and keep on talking and talking and talking. Let some poor fuckin’ kid try to figure this shit out man, fine by me.”
Spokespeople for GameStop defended their practice of asking customers to donate their unwanted Power-Up Rewards Points to gamers in need.
“Listen,” said GameStop CEO Matt Furlong, who made an estimated $16.8 million dollars last year. “There’s enough Pro-Rewards points to get every kid in America subscribed to Game Informer magazine, we just have to all do our part and reallocate them properly. This new program is our attempt to give back to the gaming community by gifting them arbitrary and confusing points that mean a little bit less every year all the while watching the games marketplace shift to a digital model. It’s uh, it’s… I’m sorry, what was the question?”
As of press time, the fucking clerk started going on about pre-ordering upcoming games, god damn it.