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Foot Clan Ninja Can’t Figure Out Who Giant Hulking Mutant Turtle Is Due to Thin Piece of Orange Cloth

NEW YORK — Local crime syndicate The Foot Clan has been routinely thwarted in recent weeks by an unknown vigilante, whom due to a thin piece of orange cloth covering a sliver of his face could be any hulking, mutant turtle.

“Damn it, who could it be?” lamented Foot Clan Grunt Allen Branwell. “It’s driving me crazy that it could be any massive muscular turtle in the entire city! That masked turtle has a lot of savvy, wearing a tiny little strip of fabric covering one sixth of his face so that there’s no way he, or she, could be identified. Then after they defeat us time and time again, they slink into the sewer to presumably travel undetected to whatever studio apartment they are likely renting. Whoever they are, they’re clearly masters of deception and stealth.”

Foot Clan leader and local terrorist Shredder commented on the new thorn in his organization’s side.

“There’s four of them with different masks, and despite the fact they all have different dialects for some reason, we can’t trace them to anyone in town,” said Shredder. “All we have to go on is that they are a six-foot-tall turtle so not exactly much to narrow it down. Also, why didn’t I think of just doing a really simple, lightweight mask? I’ve been lugging around a bunch of bullshit gear and ornate, bespoke samurai masks for years to hide my identity, and now I must admit I feel a bit foolish.”

At press time, an inside source noted that they had thought they had seen the vigilante turtle in question, but due to the large trench coat and fedora they were wearing, it must have just been a regular large green human man.