What is art? Is it something that makes you feel? Is it something you sell to rich weirdos so they can inefficiently burn money for a tiny bump of serotonin? Or is it a humble comment, that makes you go ‘haha, so true’? Well thanks to NFTs, it can now be all of those things at once, as long as what you feel is anger. Our comments this week don’t have any value in the cryptocurrency market (yet), but they do bring a lot of value to our community. Let’s check them out!
I was going to make fun of joelalanpelanne for being so willfully ignorant, and then I learned Jake Paul made $2,000 dollars selling an NFT that was just 20 seconds of one of his videos, and now I both envy and want to preserve his ignorance. If you have a heart, please stop spreading awareness.
Mark my words Kyne, if you live in that PS5 box, a dad is going to unknowingly kidnap you while planning to prank his son by putting some socks in it. If you’re lucky though, you might be able to keep the socks.
I thought it was easy until I got to the boss that was 20 Catholic nuns all beating Kratos with rulers. I even had to make a new save because I got the “Deep Shame” debuff and couldn’t get rid of it.
Remember to always eject first folks. You don’t want to die and be met with this:
If you want to imagine America’s future, imagine the Asylum Demon’s fat juicy ass slamming on a human face — forever.
Now, we know we like to have fun around here, but if we could be serious for a moment, we here at Hard Drive want to address something that has caused a rift between us and the community.
In our article I Didn’t Get a Megatron ‘Toy’ Stuck up My Ass, I Got a Megatron Action Figure Stuck up My Ass, we made an error in which the article indicates that the model is a 1984 Megatron design, yet the picture clearly shows a later iteration of the character. We are sincerely sorry to all those affected, and are launching an internal investigation to find out exactly how this happened. We understand this is not acceptable, and we hope that by addressing it, the healing can begin.
And rather than trying to sweep this under the rug, let us honor those Transformers fans by dedicating a full weeks worth of comments just to them:
You know how when you say something pointless, and someone says “who cares?”
Well, now you can answer “Compiler42”.
“Listen, I did go to the hospital, but I realized if they took it out they’d realize how basic my collection is and I was so embarrassed that I left. Now that I’ve explained, can you please take those salad tongs and help a friend out?”
And now, a scene from Transformers: The Enemy Within.
INT. SECRET MILITARY BASE – NIGHT
JOHNNY
You’re telling me that we didn’t beat Starscream back in Georgia.
GENERAL
Afraid not son. X-Rays show that the son of a bitch made a tactical retreat into your colon. But, we’ve got an ace up our sleeve.
Optimus Prime enters, shrunken down to just 8 inches tall
JOHNNY
Optimus?! Are you sure you want to do this?
Optimus stares Johnny down stoically.
OPTIMUS
I am willing to go to any lengths… or any depths, for a friend.
(Before you say anything, Compiler42, I know Optimus Prime is dead in the current series.)
Those boxes are huge dude, that’s just dangerous.
…Really, do you want the truth? Fine, I bought it second hand off ebay, okay?! I was just embarrassed and didn’t want to look lame that the Megatron I shoved up my ass wasn’t mint condition. Are you happy?
In a three way Venn Diagram of intimidating, impressive and shameful, changing the form of a Transform lodged in your ass is square in the middle.
Thank you so much for your comments, everybody. They’re worth more than an NFT, and are much less harmful to the environment according to recent research. Remember, if you want a chance to be in next week’s column, be sure to leave a funny comment on any of our posts on social media!
