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Every SNES Game You Don’t Own Now Worth Over $100

PEORIA, Ill. — Game industry analysts tracking the resale price of classic video games have noticed the remarkable coincidence that every single Super Nintendo cartridge that you don’t own is now worth over $100.

“What we’ve identified from multiple corroborating data sources is that, although you have way too many cartridges around your house, they’re all absolutely worthless,” said Wedbush Securities games analyst Michael Pachter, explaining the recent price increase of your specific Super Nintendo collection in a whitepaper released today. “Statistically, there should be at least one gem in there that would fetch a Chrono Trigger price on eBay, but it’s just a bunch of old licensed titles and sports games.” 

Pachter also noted that, although potential lifetime returns from your SNES cartridge portfolio have been irreparably damaged by your mom selling a box full of decent Squaresoft titles your freshman year of college, it should still be possible to mitigate future depreciation of the remaining assets by moving them out of the moldy, damp corner of your basement.

“Look, SNES games are a volatile market,” continued Pachter. “Who could’ve known that Ghoul Patrol would be going for $225 today? Everything else that was sold at your 1998 summer garage sale has stayed at constant value or become worthless. But hey, nobody can time the market, right?

At press time, Pachter noted that it remains to be seen whether or not your copy of Street Fighter II will drop further in value below $12, but it’s safe to say the NHL ‘93-’98 collection is a portfolio worth sitting on.