May 16, 2022 New Tarantino Movie Ends With Tarantino Thanking All His Patreon Subscribers New Tarantino Movie Ends With Tarantino Thanking All His Patreon Subscribers LOS ANGELES — A new film by Quentin Tarantino reportedly ends with director Quentin Tarantino thanking everyone who subscribed to his Patreon channel, according to…
May 11, 2022 Mom Wants You to Know That Japanese Cartoon You Watch Was an Answer on Jeopardy Last Night Mom Wants You to Know That Japanese Cartoon You Watch Was an Answer on Jeopardy Last Night AKRON, Ohio — Reports are indicating that your mother has called and left you a voicemail because she wanted you to know that the Japanese…
May 11, 2022 Tension Grows Between Guy in Drive Jacket and Guy in Akira Jacket at Local Party Tension Grows Between Guy in Drive Jacket and Guy in Akira Jacket at Local Party MIDWICH, Calif. — A local party reportedly had its vibes completely fucked last night after a palpable tension grew between two attendees as a result…
May 8, 2022 Man Terrified to Check Rotten Tomatoes Score for Movie He Just Enjoyed Man Terrified to Check Rotten Tomatoes Score for Movie He Just Enjoyed HENDERSON, Nev. — Film fan Derrick Vicks became frozen in fear after enjoying the movie “Comets & Lights” and realizing he does not know the…
May 6, 2022 Dwayne Johnson Holds Press Conference Just to Say “What’s Up?” to Everybody in America Dwayne Johnson Holds Press Conference Just to Say “What’s Up?” to Everybody in America LOS ANGELES — Hollywood superstar and presumptive presidential candidate Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson held a press conference today, apparently to kind of just say “what’s…
May 4, 2022 Movie a Bit Too Proud to Be From the Studio That Brought You ‘Venom’ Movie a Bit Too Proud to Be From the Studio That Brought You ‘Venom’ NEW YORK — Film studio Sony released a trailer for their next upcoming film coming this summer, proudly toting to be brought to you from…
May 4, 2022 Netflix Courts New Users By Offering Every Subscriber Their Own Stand-Up Special Netflix Courts New Users By Offering Every Subscriber Their Own Stand-Up Special LOS GATOS, Calif. — Amidst a major loss in subscribers, streaming service Netflix has begun to launch a new promotion in hopes of increasing its…
May 4, 2022 Obi-Wan Trailer Gives Fans First Breathtaking Shots of Luke as Annoying Kid Obi-Wan Trailer Gives Fans First Breathtaking Shots of Luke as Annoying Kid BURBANK, Calif. — Disney released a new trailer for their upcoming Obi-Wan Kenobi miniseries earlier today, and fans rejoiced as they got their first glimpse…
May 3, 2022 Weird Jerk-Off Instruction Video Prompts Masturbating Viewer to Lock Family in Their Rooms and Burn Down the House Weird Jerk-Off Instruction Video Prompts Masturbating Viewer to Lock Family in Their Rooms and Burn Down the House LINCOLN, N.E. — Local college student Tyler Biggs recently fell victim to a horrifying and bizarre series of directions from a pornographic video. “So I’m…
