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October 27, 2021

George R. R. Martin’s Mother Won’t Let Him Leave the Dinner Table Until He Finishes ‘The Winds of Winter’

George R. R. Martin’s Mother Won’t Let Him Leave the Dinner Table Until He Finishes ‘The Winds of Winter’

SANTA FE, N.M. — While visiting family, fantasy writer George R. R. Martin was told that he would not be allowed to leave the dinner…

October 25, 2021

Female Alien With Gills, Tentacles, and Four Eyes Also Has Tremendous and Symmetrical Boobs

Female Alien With Gills, Tentacles, and Four Eyes Also Has Tremendous and Symmetrical Boobs

CONWAY, S.C. — Hugo award winning writer Bill Fender has dropped the first teaser of his next novel, Space Controller, which features an alien race…

October 25, 2021

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Vegetables Can’t Talk and Also God Isn’t Real

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Vegetables Can’t Talk and Also God Isn’t Real

NEW YORK — Neil deGrasse Tyson addressed a gathering of students at Columbia University this week with a seminar in which he covered all things…

October 23, 2021

Toddler Struggling to Keep Up With Fifty Years Worth of Sesame Street Continuity

Toddler Struggling to Keep Up With Fifty Years Worth of Sesame Street Continuity

DALLAS — Local child Sammy Dorner, 2, found himself having trouble understanding new episodes of Sesame Street without having seen all 4,591 previous episodes. “I’m…

October 23, 2021

Report: Letterboxd User Writes Review Like They’re Getting Paid for It

Report: Letterboxd User Writes Review Like They’re Getting Paid for It

AUCKLAND, N.Z. — Film enthusiasts using Letterboxd were reportedly appalled this week after coming across one user’s review of The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across…

October 23, 2021

Backstabbing Sociopath Feels Seen by Representation in Loki

Backstabbing Sociopath Feels Seen by Representation in Loki

NEW YORK — Local backstabbing sociopath Jared Finch reportedly feels represented when he sees Marvel Cinematic Universe character Loki on the big screen and on…

October 21, 2021

Man Suspicious After Noticing Girlfriend’s Netflix Includes Category ‘Creepy Horror Films for Women Who Just Cheated on Their Boyfriends Named Matt’

Man Suspicious After Noticing Girlfriend’s Netflix Includes Category ‘Creepy Horror Films for Women Who Just Cheated on Their Boyfriends Named Matt’

LINCOLN, Neb. — Local man Matt Brady has become suspicious of his girlfriend after discovering a category on her Netflix account suggesting movies that are…

October 21, 2021

11-Year-Old Confident DC-Themed Birthday Would’ve Been Bigger Success With Zack Snyder’s Involvement

11-Year-Old Confident DC-Themed Birthday Would’ve Been Bigger Success With Zack Snyder’s Involvement

DENVER — A local child is certain his recent underwhelming birthday party would have been a bigger success had filmmaker Zack Snyder been involved, as…

October 21, 2021

Surgeon Performs 6-Hour Operation to Separate Art From Artist

Surgeon Performs 6-Hour Operation to Separate Art From Artist

LOS ANGELES — Local controversial filmmaker Jarred Cervantes underwent a new and dangerous 6-hour surgery to be separated from his art following intense criticism for…