Press "Enter" to skip to content

Desperate MoviePass CEO Responding to All Nigerian Prince Emails

NEW YORK  — Seeing his company’s stock price plummet and app temporarily taken down Thursday night due to running out of capital funds, MoviePass CEO Mitch Lowe frantically started answering curious emails from several Nigerian princes that were in his Junk email folder.

“We got hit hard by Mission Impossible: Fallout, our failures with Gotti, and the fact that giving away movie tickets for free without any real plan to monetize is not a way to have a stable business. I really thought we were going to have to close up shop,” Lowe told reporters. “And then the next morning I open up my email and find not just one, but several, Nigerian princes willing to inundate MoviePass with liquid assets to keep us afloat. What luck!”

MoviePass, which has struggled financially since its debut, quickly reached out to seven different members of Nigerian royalty seeking assistance. MoviePass believes they will finally become profitable, as long as they send their bank account and routing number to these struggling monarchs.

“We always said that MoviePass would become profitable and I am proud to announce that day is nearly here,” founder Stacy Spikes said. “Once these forward-thinking investors use the small amount of money we sent them to navigate the government bureaucracy in their country, we will get to an instant cash injection of $15 million dollars.”

“After this, we might even be able to hire a customer service employee!” Spices excitedly added.

When reached for comment, one of the Nigerian princes said, “Jesus bless. We have 4.5 millions (USD) deposited into the United Congo Bank and we only trust you, Mr. Harb Driv, to allow us to transfer these fund to you for safe keeping. Dr. Mitch Movipas recommend your personally.”

“I sent them our information this morning,” MoviePass CFO Stuart Benson said, “And we haven’t heard back yet. I really hope they are ok, apparently it isn’t very safe over there. I guess that is why they have so many different princes in one country. Can I call you back? Our bank is calling on the other line.”

Sources report that Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg also reached out to MoviePass hoping Lowe will vouch for him to his new Nigerian contacts after Facebook’s stock took a tumble this week.